I recently got an email from a wife who was estranged from her husband. He had not yet moved out, but he was most definitely heading that way. The two of them were having a hard time communicating in a positive way and this was impeding their ability to attempt a reconciliation. The wife was certain that she wanted to work things out, but the husband was no longer as sure.

He was beginning to drop hints that two of them might be better off parting ways and that he was tired of all of the drama when things always ended in the same negative way. The wife was hoping that there were some things that she could do to help to stop this cycle and to change her husband's mind. She hoped that if he would just give a little bit and be even remotely receptive, that the two of them might begin to gain some ground and to make things better. The wife wanted some advice as to how to best handle this. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

Before You Begin To Try A Reconciliation, Give Your Husband A Chance To Cool Off. Introduce Some Distance And Space: In this situation, it's very common for the spouse who wants out to leave the home. And, often the spouse who wants to save the marriage will fight this tooth and nail. But, sometimes, if you can control the time and distance, allowing this process can be a smart move.

Often, we get so caught up in the emotions of the situation that we are not objective enough to see what needs to be done since everything seems so immediate. It's often after you give the situation some space that the objectivity that you need becomes possible. This doesn't mean that one of you needs to leave. It just means that you might offer to give each other some space and cooling down period for a few days or weeks. You might back off or stay with friends – whatever you find the most acceptable.

Following him around and nagging him to see things your way and to talk it out isn't likely to work when he is not receptive to hearing it. In order to set up your best chance of success, you will need for him to eventually to get on board. But if this isn't happening right now, you're better off not pushing it because his perceptions are going to directly help (or hurt) your cause. It's important that you paint yourself in the best light. And since things might be volatile right now, inserting a break in this situation will often help.

Settle For Small Improvements Before You Push For An All Out Reconciliation: People often see this situation as one that is all or nothing. This is usually the wrong approach to take. You will often see much better results if you focus your attention first on just improving the way in which you interact. As I said, you will need for him to be receptive to you. This is much more likely to happen if you're not pushing him and trying to have the hard discussions or to make the hard changes much too soon.

Focus on the small things first. Just try to improve the interactions between you. It's important that you can become friends again so that you're both not guarded and walking on eggshells every time you interact. This has likely become a very negative cycle that you need to break. You need to show him that every encounter with you is not going to end badly and that it really is safe for him to interact with you and to listen to what you say as you're no longer going to engage in a negative way.

Over time, the fights, the misunderstandings, and the awkwardness should begin to wane. And it's only when this happens should you begin to worry about slowly moving forward.

Going Backward In Order To Move Forward: Once you're acting friendly again, you will want to begin to focus on your romantic bond and intimacy. Then, you will want to brainstorm the things that bonded you and drew you together in the beginning. You need to bring these things back so that you're once again connecting on a positive level. There are many reasons for this, but the most important is that you're likely to get much more cooperation and a much better how outcome with this strategy. After all, when you were dating and "in love," you likely did not dwell on your problems and solved them quickly when they came up. You did this because you did not want for anything to interfere with the positive feedback you were getting.

That's not to say that you won't have to work through your problems. But, you don't need to make this difficult and to make it the primary focus so that you won't get the cooperation that you need. Plus, you will likely have a much easier time if you first restore the friendship and the intimacy. This often requires time and small victories and it often requires for you to move backward a little before you attempt to move forward.

There was a time that I thought my marriage was truly at it's end. My husband seemed to have no interest whatsoever in saving our marriage, but I knew that I wasn't ready to give up for good. Thankfully, I decided to try one last thing, to give a little more, and to approach it from another angle (by focusing on my own time and efforts) and this eventually worked. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Leslie Cane's blog is at http://isavedmymarriage.com.  She enjoys sharing the story of how she saved her own marriage to help others.