Yesterday I had an epiphany, an insight, an aha moment. It was so joyous that thinking about it on the way to work I reveled in my enlightenment. Someone had made a statement, well a couple in fact. What this person did not realise was that they had answered a few of my own frustrations with their statement. Confused yet? Not to worry, let me explain…

Sometimes in life we get stuck. We get so stuck that we annoy even our selves. We become a “victim” and a “naysayer.” A pessimist with in our own right. Sometimes we get this way because of our past. Turmoil, abuse and neglect can form our behaviour as adults. And with that we often fall out of “life,” we cannot work, we cannot function in terms of social norms. For a while we don't see a way out of the hole. It is dark but comforting. We don't have to try too hard, we don't have to live up to certain expectations and we don't have to wear the responsibilities of adult life. And this is ok when we need to take time to heal. But this is where we can also get stuck. We know its damaging, we know we need to change, but there’s that damn wall again. Something is stopping us, something we just can’t fathom. Its something that we are afraid of, but it also comforts us and keeps us safe, it is what we know and it is our friend. What is this “thing?”

It is FEAR.

It is fear of a debilitating nature. It is fear of the unknown. It is fear of expectation and failure and for those of you supporting and expecting stuck people to “get on with it” or “toughen up” it can be frustrating to say the least. It is hair pulling material to watch someone you care about slide into the hole, and stay there…. Quite comfortably. You see being a “victim” is easy and it is safe. No one expects too much from you and they can wipe their feet on you when they walk out the door. You don't make life happen, it happens to you. It is everybody else's fault and you are never to blame. Annoyed with me yet? Well I hope so. You see, a lot of people have had horrible lives. Abuse often happens to children, that isn’t their fault. Don’t get me wrong, I am not dismissing the importance or impact of this or other traumas. But what happens to us now, is our choice. I’m pulling no punches here when I say being a victim and being stuck is your choice, your responsibility. Do you want to BE or not? Do you want to have a LIFE or not? It comes down to you, it is literally your choice.

And here is where I had my epiphany. Someone was stuck, and they were frustrated with themselves. Then the statement came… “I am afraid that if I become well, I will loose all of my support.”… The fear of being “well” was keeping them STUCK! And it was keeping them a victim. They were in a “safe” place and they had been there a long time. And by golly did I understand them! I have lived abuse, I got stuck, I was a victim, I hit the wall and I frustrated all that loved me, including myself. You see, we expect and “think” that people want to be well. But being well means responsibility. It means putting yourself out there to be judged and possibly rejected. Being well means meeting new people and trusting them. And being well means having a job and not relying on government help. It is scary... no wonder we get stuck. It is this transition in life that can be made easier with the love and support of others. Left alone to wallow in our “this is my lot” mentality, we can often get stuck and stay there. We end up staying with the “old” instead of embracing the “new.” It’s what we know and it is safe. But what we don't realise is that the “new” is not scary when we merge it s-l-o-w-l-y with the “old.” Each step towards the new brings with it hope, strength and a new way of living that is self empowering and joyous. In the end the “new” becomes the “now” and life becomes a place where we can BE. Now what was the question?