When we must part with a loved one, we have physical and emotional reactions beyond our control. Our emotional intelligence skills can help us manage them. Having someone you love deployed is extremely stressful.

PROTEST-DESPAIR

Newborns separated from their mothers show us the extremes of "protest-despair behavior." When the infant is separated, the body reacts, pumping out stress hormones that affect the nervous system and muscle groups. Cortisol, the 'stress' hormone, can increase 10x, and gastrointestinal functions are upset. Then there's withdrawal, heart rate slows, body temperature lowers (presumably attempts to "survive"), and the immune system gets out of kilter.

Any separation from a loved one during our lifetime will mimic this reaction because we're humans, because we love, because we bond. The price we pay is that separation is painful.

At the same time, if the person being deployed is your lover, you'll be deprived of the oxytocin, that delicious love-hormone that makes us feel good even thinking about our loved one.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Expect things to make you angry. You want to hear is it's all a joke, it isn't happening, and anything short of that won't work.

That having been said, it's normal to:

·Feel like you're going nuts ·Cry a lot ·Have trouble making decisions ·Have no appetite ·Sleep too much or not at all ·Feel angry

WHAT CAN HELP?

* Don't isolate yourself. "Share your thoughts, vent your anger, or ask for help," says the Submarine Wives Club. Check out their website ( http://www.submarinewives.org ) for support groups, and useful information. * Hire a coach. http://www.coachfederation.org * Develop your emotional intelligence; build resilience. * Focus on yourself and keep the momentum going. Learn something new, develop a new skill. * Practice xtreme self-care - exercise, get massages, and eat right.

©Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach. Emotional intelligence coaching by phone email; Internet courses. www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE inspirational ezine.