Have you ever noticed how often people make decisions which they are not really prepared to stand by? That a yes is seldom (or often not) a full throated YES but a way to avoid saying "No". In our work, in our commitments to each other, in the lives we generally lead. You accept a lunch invitation but opt out at the last minute because you have something else to do. You say yes to a meeting and back out because your aunt turned up from outer Mongolia and wants to meet you for tea. Wishy washy, somehow seems like the flavor of the day. Keep as many doors open as possible so that you can wriggle out of a commitment at any point when the going gets rough. I have often thought about that. Whether when I say yes I really mean yes, or whether I say yes because I have felt pressured into it. I check out the quality of my yes, the strength of it and am learning ever so slowly that in actual fact, the absence of a full bodied "YES" amounts to a subtle "No". The end result is that most of us are stuck in a grey zone which is neither here nor there, neither yes nor no, neither the feeling of "I really want it" nor the certainty that "I don't want it."

Maybe the problem is that we have not really learnt to say NO. To say a full bodied NO when we don't want something. Our "No" like our "Yes" most often comes across in a diluted fashion, which could mean just about everything. It is not for nothing that many Europeans feel intrigued by the Indian head shake which can be taken as a "Yes," a "No" or a "Maybe." As my friend Bibsi used to often tease me when I visited her in Germany, what you mean is "Maybe yes, maybe no!"

Eventually, we feel resentful at having to do stuff we don't want to do, because we don't have the nerve to stand up and do what we want to do. We shy away from doing what would make us really happy because we are afraid not to do what is expected of us. Blame it on your friends, your relatives, your children, your parents. All society's fault.

In fact all of society seems stuck in this grey zone, this non committal terrain which is rapidly wearing down our backbone. Seeing the danger of ending up totally spineless you see that there is no option but to begin to search within yourself for what you want, and then to stand up for it. If we were to search deep enough within our minds and hearts we would surely come up with the fact - that to stand by one's own truth is to automatically support the truth of the world. When the heart functions according to its truth, it allows the liver and kidneys and all other organs too, to function according to theirs. Naturally this applies to any part of the body.

A very simple truth. The question is, do you dare to see it for yourself?

Uma's Website: www.basicindia.net

Uma is a writer and psychotherapist. Her book "Bombay to Eternity - Memoirs of a Laidback Rebel" was published by Penguin Books (India) in 2004. She has worked in various fields ranging from advertising to environmental conservation and teaching deaf children and adults. She is currently engaged in networking with people interested in the development of community spirit - across the boundaries of time and space.