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Hot Notes For Women, Five Steps To The Love You've Been Dreaming About Since You Were a Little Girl

by Jamee Light

posted in Relationships

Syndicate This Article
Maybe you're in a long-term relationship, or maybe just met someone you'd like to be in one with. If it is a new one, you're hopeful, but there is the nagging doubt - will it be different than any before. You tell yourself, why should it be? So far nothing has worked out for you. Long term/short-term they just don't seem to last, is it the stars, your fate - nothing has given you the dream relationship you've been dreaming about since you were a little girl. You are practically to the point of giving up.
Don't...
What if what I'm about to share with you could give you the relationship of your dreams, the one you've been imagining all along, the type that makes you jealous when you see it. The one you can't believe you could have, and to top it off, it will be easy and fun to achieve...
Each of the steps listed below will get you there. They can work on their own, or together they will make you irresistible...
Step One - Keep Your Life
You need to have your own life...
What you were doing before you met your current partner, or what interests you now outside of the relationship needs to stay in the picture. You need to have interests outside of HIM.
This is crucial -
wow, I know it can feel like it is hard to do
you just want to be with him
you don't want to wonder what he is doing with the time you are not together
you may feel like doing things by yourself or with others besides him isn't as interesting
you may have to force yourself to create this separateness
In creating this space...
you automatically become more interesting to your man
you start noticing his curiosity
with that your self-esteem starts to grow, which creates a snow ball effect of more curiosity, more self-esteem, more love...
Step Two - Pole Dancing/Lap Chair Dancing
The Spark That Ignites...
Almost a year and a half ago I went out with a man I met on a dating site. I wasn't attracted to his picture, his profile was OK and he asked me to go to something I had no interest in - a football game. But, I figured I wanted the experience of dating - it had been about a year since I broke up with Mr. Toxic, so I accepted.
We went out on a couple of more dates, but I couldn't imagine being physical with him. I started liking him more, but still couldn't receive his physical affection. It seemed like he was getting pretty frustrated with my lack of physical interest, and we probably weren't going to see each other anymore. Then a light bulb lit up for me... maybe the lack of physical attraction wasn't about him but instead had something to do with me - not feeling comfortable with a new/different man than my last partner.
One of the sessions on a relationship program I was taking had a lap dancer doing her lap dance for her partner. Watching it, I physically started getting aroused. I started to learn/practice what was being taught, and as incentive I decided to email the man I had been dating to tell him what I was doing... that I was going to take a lap dancing class near him. He said why don't I practice on him. That Saturday night I did, and our relationship has been among other things the most sexually fulfilling, loving relationship I've ever been in.
I am certainly not that, or wasn't that, nimble in my dance (I'm in my late 60's), but the candle lit atmosphere of the room, the music I picked, and even my shyness created just what was to be needed to make for fun, and a connecting evening and beyond.
If for some reason sex has lost its luster in your relationship, or it hasn't even begun yet for you this may be a fun way to be intimate together.
Step Three- "DOER SHIP" Not To Be Done
Maybe you, like I, am a doer. Among other things, I'm a CEO of an Architectural/Engineering Company, mother of 4 adopted children, grand-mother to 5, relationship coach and lover in a relationship. Maybe like me you are not, or have not been one to sit around. If something appears wrong, you're probably there to fix it/change it/definitely not ignore it.
All of that needs to change...
Doers-ship is a trait that kills a romantic relationship; it is a masculine trait. When you are with your beloved, he wants you to be a feminine women.
Feminine is -
As an example - If you were in a rowboat with your man
not picking up the oars,
making yourself really comfortable
leaning back and relaxing
enjoying/appreciating your man's strength and fortitude
verbally expressing how happy and relaxed you are - with words or sounds
not initiating, planning, controlling what you do when you are with your man
Allow him to plan, do what it takes to do things with you
Expressing appreciation when this happens
Being receptive/opened up and obviously appreciative to any and all of his initiations of affection, caring or loving
Learning how to receive without feeling like you owe something back
If you want to do something this is it -- "Do Nothing"
Appreciation works even better with feeling messages - words "That feels so good when you do... ", "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh", " I love how that feels when you touch me like that", etc.
Step Four - Words/Sounds/And When to Shut Up
I recently realized I'm a nervous talker... especially around my man who is very masculine, talks when he has something meaningful to say, and can often be just quiet. I always thought I was relatively quiet, but when nervous, anxious, in a low self-esteem mood my tendency is to want to chatter. If you are like me, you may want to start working on this...
Chatter with men is like feeding them garbage, and they have just as much taste for it as if they were eating garbage...
Masculine men seem to be more real - tell it as it is which often needs very little words, and if they are "deep" usually there is some profundity/deeper meaning to their words.
They basically connect with us/have intimate sharing with us through "beingness"/quietness/peacefulness or doing something together often involving no words.
On the other hand - they love when we appreciate who they really are.
This can be done through:
Our "feeling" words expressing our happiness to be with them, who they truly are, and their "doings" whether for us or for others
Our sounds - they seem to love hearing our sounds - genuine grunts and groans, coos and excitements again all related to our true feelings.
Step 5 - Turn Your Beloved Over - 'Vibrational' Surgery
Lying in bed - Test your push/pull vibrations
When you're lying in bed next to your beloved feeling unloved, he's turned away from you
You can REALLY feel rejected
Not the time for words
No asking "why have you turned over"
No turning to him and putting your arm around him
INSTEAD
Try turning away - be real with yourself.
Start thinking about yourself as a very beautiful creature, a goddess, a siren.
Start REALLY feeling into these loving thoughts about yourself, your good qualities, how wonderful you truly are, then start giving your beloved good thoughts.
think of his good qualities
giving him good vibrations from your heart to his
think about many things you love about him - detailing these in your mind
Giving this a bit of time...
Really feeling these qualities for both you and him
See if your beloved, if he is not asleep, doesn't turn over and put his arm around you or touches your leg with his toe
IMPORTANT - For an intimate connection
When your beloved does turn towards you, be very receptive, real soft and loving... not the time for talking... or sulking, or "getting back", a time for 'cooing', 'ahhhhhhhhhhing', 'That feels good", "I love when you... "
Watch out... see if implementing some or all of the above doesn't skyrocket your irresistible rating...
About the Author: Try some or all of the above, and when you do I'd love to hear how this works for you. Please email me and let me know or if you would like any specific help with any of it. I'm also offering free 1/2 hour coaching sessions where we can go into your specific relationship issues.
Contact me at jamee@coachingbyjameelight.com
I am a certified Rori Raye Relationship Coach
Check out my website http://www.coachingbyjameelight.com

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