Going home. We all do it in one form or another. We visit, we go to dinner, we vacation and under extreme circumstances, we may occasionally need to "stay there" for a while. So the statement, "you can't go home again", is a little silly.

Going home; does it talk literally about going back to your childhood home? Does it mean going to where ever your parents are? Does it just mean going back to your home town? All valid questions if you think about it. I started to think about it recently and I think it means none of these things. It would be too simple and I gather it was always meant to be profound.

Take another saying. One not so profound in appearance. Simple, sweat, probably stitched on a pillow you've seen. "Home is where the heart is." Ah, another place for home to be. So is the home a real one or an abstract one? Like most things, it is open to interpretation.

I became curious about this after a conversation with a friend. She recent started talking to an ex-boyfriend. Someone she had dated over 20 years ago. I thought that was cute. I mean what could you possibly have in common with someone that you dated so long ago? That's practically a life time ago. They were different people.

Back then the most important thing in her life was what to wear that no one had seen her in yet. His was; who knows what his was? Now it's, kids, home, work, school and how do we pay the oil bill this month. They both have real lives now.

So the question remains, can you really have a "relationship" of any kind? Can you go home? I started asking questions. They may be a little personal at times but, I'm nosy, I want to know.

Q: So how far did this relationship go?

A: We were going to get married. We dated for a couple years, got engaged, but we were young. The relationship was so intense. That first real love, you know?

Q: So why didn't you get married?

A: WOW that's such a complicated question, but it comes down to we were too young and playing house was getting claustrophobic. We thought we knew it all and actually we were so not ready.

Q: So you walked away and that was it?

A: God no. You don't just walk away from a relationship like that. We would not see each other for a while, then we would see each other, sleep together and the next week remember why we called it off. We went back and forth like that for a couple years. We loved each other we just couldn't live together.

Q: When did you know that even that part was done?

A: When he started dating and I found out he slept with someone else. That was when I knew.

Q: So you hadn't dated up to that point?

A: Actually I did, but I looked at it differently. I know a double standard but that's just the way it was.

Q: And you haven't seen him since?

A: I saw him once about 15 years ago for about 15 seconds. He had gotten married and looked happy. But he always looked happy.

Q: Nothing since?

A: Nope...not even a Christmas card.

Q: So how did you come back in contact with this guy?

A: It was a total fluke. We both happened to be logged into the same message board. We were surprised. We talked for about 3 minutes and then nothing for a few weeks.

Q: Then what happened?

A: A couple weeks later I got an e-mail just saying hi. We asked some questions about each other's lives; children, work normal stuff.

Q: And has that progressed at all?

A: Only that we "talk" more often and the conversations are surprisingly open, fun and honest. We still seem to like each other.

Q: So is this the one that got away?

A: Yes and no. A strange answer I know.

Q: Can you explain?

A: Yes, but only because I've been thinking about it. I talked to my best friend about it. The funny thing was, she had never heard me speak of him and she had no idea who he was. That actually made it easy for me to sort out feelings that I never dealt with before. She asked lots of open questions. The kind of questions someone would ask that knows nothing. The kind of question that some who loves you would ask because they really want to know.

Q: So there are feelings?

A: Of course there are. When you have a relationship like that and it ends with sadness not anger, there has to be feelings.

Q: So you don't think anger is a feeling?

A: Yes of course it's a feeling, but, if I was angry with him, and he with me, this conversation would not be happening. Neither would the conversations I've been having with him.

Q: So can you tell me about the conversation you had with your friend that kind of helped you sort everything out?

A: We were having breakfast talking about relationships. She was reviewing her relationships and why each failed. She knew I had been engaged once before and asked what happened. She had never done that before. I think she was just so tired of thinking about her own perceived failures.

So I started from the beginning. Once I started talking I couldn't stop. I hadn't spoken about it, not really since it happened. I mourned it, I cried, I got angry and then very very sad, but I had never really talked about.

Q: So why now? Why did you have this conversation now?

A: I had just talked to him for the first time the week before and she asked about it. It was all about timing.

Q: Ok....so you told her the story. What did she learn from that?

A: Well she learned about one of the most important relationships in my life and why certain things are important to me. But it was more about what I learned.

Q: You lived it. How could you learn more than she did?

A: Like I said I hadn't really talked about it. I kept everything inside. My own private pain. I had shared bits and pieces of things, feelings but never the reality.

Half way through the conversation I realized that he was the one that got away. How could I not know that before? I mean I had thought about him every day of my life since I met him. How could I not have realized that before?

When I said that to her, she asked how I knew. How do you know he was the one? "Because after 20 years, he can still make me cry" was my answer. It was as simple as that. The thought of the pain we had caused each other, made me incredibly sad. I wasn't sobbing, but a tear was trickling down my face.

I mean, I know it would never have worked, we were too young, but, I realized at that moment I had met the love of my life at the wrong time in my life, and he was important. He was very important.

Q: So do you think people can go home again?

A: I hope they can. I really do.

I thanked her for her honesty. As I did I noticed a glint in her eyes. She had put away the tears and the sadness and replaced it with contentment. She had accepted that it wasn't her home anymore, but it was nice to be able to visit once and a while.