How To Become A Real Pirate Of The Caribbean

Dress Like A Pirate, don’t quite manage to look as good as Johnny Depp?

Imagine my surprise when researching a blog, I type in ‘dress like a pirate’ to Google and the first link I’m directed to is literally 'dresslikeapirate'. Need pirates? Order them online! Want to dress as a pirate in everyday life? Get a job as an extra! I wonder if Disney signed up to this for the forthcoming Pirates of the Caribbean?

I told my suffering mother I wanted to be a pirate. She wasn’t as enthused as I was because it would mean I would quit my job and take up residence in Tobago or Cuba. But, just for practice I looked into being a pirate in Glasgow.

It annoyed me that I couldn’t really justify hiring out a few pirates for the day, like some kind of bizarre escorts. Like rent-a-crowd, only with pirates. It’s not my birthday till next April and I don’t really have any young relatives to latch onto. I try suggesting to my sister and fiancé Jim they should adopt a kid, Madonna style, so we can have a birthday party and I can hire out the pirates, but she wasn’t keen. Even if she got pregnant now I’d have to wait a year for a christening party or naming party and that’s too long.

Take them shopping or something, maybe the park? If I did hire my new pirate friends for a day I’ll be dammed if I won’t grasp the opportunity to embrace pirate culture. I’d hire about ten so I would make eleven and we could play as a football team and dress the part and talk on the official pirate message board 'piratesinfo' with all my pirate friends.

No self respecting pirate is complete without a parrot, so start here at the parrot society for advice. The genius of eyepatches is that you can easily conceal the fact that you don’t really need an eyepatch and you’re just wearing it to look like a pirate – with an eyepatch! How cool is that! And don’t forget to talk like a pirate, September 13th is international talk like a pirate day 'talklikeapirate' or with the 'Yarr' organisation.

Until then I suppose I’ll just have to settle for watching Pirates 3 when it comes out on Thursday. And if it doesn’t attract enough people to the cinema I have a great idea about how to fill up those empty seats…

Poor Jonny Depp has a lot to answer for in this new Pirate renaisance. However, we have never fully been rid of pirates with waters in the South China sea srill being prone to attacks. What next will we have pirates turning up at work demanding 'pieces of eight' or maybe a 'Pirate Suit' for the busy professional ?

By Paul Bowers, I write for Mio Destino and for it's blog site MioBlog writing articles of interest to their international clients. The company sells internationally, high end, designer lingerie, swimwear, corsets, pyjamas and mens underwear predominantly from Italy and France but also from the US, Canada and other parts of Europe. You can sign up for a FREE Newsletter, the fashion blog - MioBlog and FREE to enter competitions if you visit the Mio Destino website.

If you like my articles then why not sign up to my MioBlog. The company is currently working on a high end designer collection called Hypnotique which will be launched in the next month.

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