To re-frame an event or situation in your life is to look at it from a different perspective, or through a new filter or set of lens. We tend to see life based on our unique experiences and expectations. Sometimes what we are really seeing is not reality at all; it's a conditioned or learned response. The art of re-framing challenges us to step back, soak up all of the information and see the situation for what it really is, not for what it may feel like.

There is a famous drawing of a lady used in many psychology textbooks. At first glance, some see a very beautiful young woman with an elegant neckline and a fashionable hat. Others, at first glance, see an elderly woman with a harsh nose and unpleasant disposition. You see what you see based on your point of view, your personal belief system and your life’s experience.

After being told the picture is of two separate women, both young and old, some still can see only what they saw when they first viewed the drawing. Try as they may, because they are convinced that the picture only consists, for example, of a young woman their logical and rational point of view can not see the older woman and vice versa. By reframing what you are seeing and becoming open to the possibility that the drawing does indeed consists of two women, you are shifting your position to one that is more effective. Effective in the sense that you are seeing what is real and before you right now.

Here’s a practical example to further illustrate the art of reframing: In a personal relationship, you may not always feel comfortable with expressing what you needs or expectations for the relationship might be. In this case, you may feel and see the relationship as being too unstable to interject your wants for fear that is may lead to conflict.

Look at the relationship from a new set of lenses, and, of course ask “is this working for me?” Like the drawing of the two separate women, look at what is working for you and keep this in perspective with what is not working. This will give you a better sense of balance and sense of reality of what is really happening.