Defending Yourself From Zombie Attacks With A Long Reach Hedge Trimmer
Long reach hedge trimmers are dangerous and should not be operated by anyone drunk, under the age of ten or anyone tanked up on decongestants. However, if an army of zombies should suddenly attack your neighborhood, you will sober up very quickly. The problem with zombies is that they can't feel anything, so they are not deterred by pain. The only way to neutralize a zombie is to cut it up into little manageable bits. This can be accomplished with long reach hedge trimmers.
Know Your Limitations
You need to know your long reach hedge trimmer's defense capabilities before you can successfully use it to counter a zombie army attack. It is best to get as comfortable a long reach hedge trimmer as possible, as you will be holding it a long time. You don't want to lose a defensive gain by having a charley horse in your arms.
Long reach hedge trimmers are defensive weapons only - not offensive weapons. They are not for running off from your home and attacking fleeing zombies. Your long range trimmer will not last long enough for such a counter offensive. Your long reach hedge trimmer may be corded (which means you can't go anywhere far) or will run only about a half hour to an hour on a single charge.
Ideally, you will have an arsenal of weapons against a zombie army. You should group all of your loved ones together in one room in order to better defend them. If you are the main defender of the family, then your hedge trimmers can be used only for those zombies that manage to break into your family bunker.
Extend your hedge trimmer out to its fullest telescopic range, which for some long reach hedge trimmers can be up to ten feet away. Theoretically, you can poke your hedge trimmer out from a slot behind a wall or shielding in order to dismember and neutralize an infiltrating zombie menace.
Assume A Phalanx
The most easily defendable position for your family is with their backs to each other in a sort of phalanx reminiscent of Greek armies. You should avoid pressing your back against walls or doors, as the zombies can easily break through them and grab at you. Think "circle the wagons" with the most helpless of your family members in the exact center.
No one likes to think that an invading zombie army could happen in their town. But you will not have to worry unduly about them when you battle them using these commonsense tips and a good long reach hedge trimmer.
