How To Minimize The Impact Between Children And Divorce
The number one concern of parents who decide to get divorced is the impact of the divorce and their children's well being. By understanding the fears of children whose parents are getting divorced, knowing what parents can do to help address and alleviate those fears, and doing those things, parents can help their children through what will probably be the roughest time of a child's life.
The Fears
Children and divorced parents have a lot to be afraid of. Their world has been turned upside down, and their future is suddenly uncertain. Parents can reduce the uncertainty - and the stress and fear - by working out all these details before they even tell the children about the divorce, so they can answer all the child's questions at one time.
Where Will They Live?
Kids know that Mom and Dad are going to have separate residences from now on. The child is never going to have her mother and father instantly available to her at the same time under one roof where they all live. This knowledge is extremely stressful, especially in cases where the family home has to be sold or where parents live in different cities after the divorce.
Parents who work out these details beforehand can help children fearing change and divorce get through this difficult time by eliminating the stress associated with uncertainty.
How Will Their Time Be Divided Between Their Parents?
Children and divorcing parents know all about visitation and split parenting time, because they no doubt have friends whose parents are divorced. From these friends, the children know there will be change and confusion about who is going to pick them up from school, where they will spend holidays, how they will get their homework done, who will feed them, where they will sleep, and more.
Even when the divorced family gets along extremely well, visitation is the most stressful aspect of children and divorce. After all, who among us would take a job that required us to split our time, 50/50, between two different locations? Not many. Having two homes in two different places, and having to shuttle all our stuff back and forth between the two of them, would be too stressful for many adults to undertake. Yet divorcing parents expect children to adapt and adjust.
Many divorced parents have adopted the practice of leaving the children in the family home and having the parents be the ones who move in and out of the picture. This seems fairer than making the children bear the brunt of the failed relationship. This arrangement may not be for everyone, but it is probably the best way to deal with the biggest problem of children and divorce.
