No Shame In Going To Marriage Counseling
One of the reasons why marriages break up is that it's much easier to get a divorce rather than go through marriage counseling. This is not because marriage counseling is incredibly expensive or physically demanding, but that you have to do admit that sometimes it IS your fault. You also have to learn how to see your partner's point of view and be willing to have your lofty expectations be dashed into tiny little pieces.
What If Your Counselor Is Divorced?
You will actually get just as good marriage counseling from a counselor who has had a divorce as from someone who is still married. In both cases, you are getting to talk to someone who knows exactly what you are going through. In the case of a divorced marriage counselor, you also get the benefit of knowing when a relationship can't be saved.
But, most importantly, a divorced, married or single marriage counselor has the qualifications and training to help your marriage and yourself. They have been trained to listen, not take sides and to help you communicate better with your partner. These often are the very skills you need to help make your relationship smoother.
Don't Rely On Clergy
If you can possibly help it, never turn to any kind of religious leader or clergyman in your community for marriage counseling. Although there are the occasional pastor, priest or priestess with a psychology degree, most will not have the training or the slightest clue as to what marriage counseling is all about. It's like going to a veterinarian in order to get your car fixed.
What About Books?
There are a lot of self-help books on the market about having better relationships and about marriage counseling. But if you have serious communication or trust issues with your spouse, then you really need to see a professional marriage counselor in order to help focus counseling to your particular needs.
Books about marriage counseling can help in a supplementary fashion during your counseling process. Your counselor might even want you and your spouse to read a certain book and then discuss what you both think of it during your sessions. You can also keep a journal or diary or your thoughts about the book, in order to help you bring up important questions during your sessions.
So there is no shame in getting marriage counseling when you need it. You would take your car to the mechanic when it isn't working, so you should go to a counselor to help fix what can be fixed.
